Berlin Daze

Berlin Daze

Berlin was cray-cray. But right now I want to focus on the sanity. I went to Mauerpark flea market the Sunday I was in Berlin. And I lost my friend for almost an hour while it was ice raining, but that is besides the point. I went into a book stand and saw a section of English books and a title that started, “The Abortion:” and finished, “An Historical Romance 1966,” caught my eye. It is by Richard Brautigan and I’ve never heard of him but as I perused the reviews I saw that he was compared to Vonnegut and that is gold to me. So I went to go pay and the very nice looking sales guy told me a bit about his life; apparently Brautigan is very famous and one of his favorite authors, and he got this book when he spent a summer in San Francisco.

Side note: I find it incredible that I meet so many people who life stories expand outside of the country they were born. Many people I have met spent summers here, years there, had really random jobs down under, and it is so casual. And then it surprises me to realize I am one of those people.

After I bought the book, he somewhat bashfully gives me a card deck lay out of post-it notes, everyone who buys a book receives a fortune. I was so excited and thought I really need to actually purchase things at markets more frequently. The writing is in German but translates to, “Don’t hide from the things of life into love. But don’t hide from love into the things of life.” I smiled and walked away trying to not forget it but of course I did and had it translated again at a coffee shop.

It reminds me of a Yeats quote or end of a poem rather, my friend recently sent me.

“A mermaid found a swimming lad, picked him for her own
Pressed her body to his body
Laughed; and plunging down
Forgot in cruel happiness, that even lovers drown.”

Two somewhat cautious ideas about love and life. Referring to the post-it, even if it isn’t love we hide behind, perhaps it is our principals, we all have a crutch we use to hid from our life when we are afraid or unsure. And touching on Yeats, it is important to note that love or whatever that thing is we seek can as easily be our fall as our saving grace. I guess both quotes really call for balance. Balance is good and all, but being  good and safe, aren’t always the best ways to live. Sometimes things are really up and sometimes situations have me down, but then I put on my rational face and look at things and realize I am fine. Like 95% of the time, if I am being rational and clear-headed my life is fine, my concerns do not really hurt me. I mean it is not a bad thing but it’s not really a good thing either. Maybe it is time to get so lost in something, I drown. Or maybe I shouldn’t. There are no answers just some musings over words.

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Acting Out of Character

Acting Out of Character

There was a moment today when my brain short-circuited and I wasn’t myself. I said and did things that felt foreign to me. Then my brain cells went on high alarm as they came rushing to my lips and eyes reminding me who I am.

It is an odd circumstance when you lose yourself to aliens for a moment. But like all things the moment passes, and you forgive yourself.

Also start learning martial arts to keep the aliens away.

Pieces of Peace

Pieces of Peace

I spent my last undergraduate spring break in Colorado. Boulder, Colorado Springs, and Breckenridge to be exact. I want to say it was so great, that I had so much fun and I did, but what I want those words to truly express is how connected and close those cities allowed me to feel. Countless times I have ranted, in my head and out loud, about what I want and how I feel and what I am looking for and each time I have to say the words it seems I am getting further from actually living the life I spew. But in Colorado the words stopped and the simple state of being began. I could spend forever gushing about Colorado, when I got back everyone asked if I wanted to live there. But for me Colorado just illustrates that those words I rant have the possibility to come into fruition. The mere realization of the idea is what makes my dream worth every struggle.

I did the Manitou Springs Incline, over 2,000 steps and 2,000 feet of elevation, the highest this New Yorker has ever been. When I got to the top, I just felt peace.

The Sidewalk Talks

The Sidewalk Talks

When I was in Edinburgh the friend I was travelling with was just as skint as me and after an incredibly random high school party we decided to walk back to the house we were couchsurfing at instead of being reasonable and taking a cab. It was our second day in Scotland and we knew nothing of Edinburgh suburbia. It was as bizarre a walk as it was entertaining. On our two hour long walk back, we passed this sign.

This sign is as beautiful as it is poetic. It didn’t lead us in the direction we needed to go or any sort of that magic. But even if a sign doesn’t point home, it can remind us that sometimes we aren’t as lost as we think we are.