I just read my dear friends’ blog post Goodbye to All That. She is famous in the WordPress community and I always watch in awe as her words and photographs reach so many people. Every once in a while we would meet in DC or NY. She would come by bouncing with disheveled hair, headphones in, and a recommendation of what we should cook or which restaurant we should go to. Then we would sit for hours, way after the food and drinks have been finished, and attempt to describe ourselves with our wishes, desires, observations; I like to think we said almost everything. We would come up with brilliant phrases that we didn’t write down and would then forget because we just kept going and going. No phrase could answer our questions, our words would be lucky if they flirted onto any part of it. I think it was difficult for us because we are hyper-aware that these anxieties we feel do not compare with poverty, famine, poor water supplies, and disease that many people face. Our problems come from a society we view as numb. I think I can say for both of us, we were looking for a way to feel again.
I am in Brussels now, I came here to visit a friend; and it hasn’t been the way I thought it would be, the way I wanted it to be. At first I was really at odds with the situation. Partly because I miss the farm, I am missing the woods I could disappear into and find my reflection. But the longer I stay here the easier it is for me to enjoy the way it is rather than the way I wanted it to be.
Traveling isn’t a magic potion. It doesn’t automatically make you happier; rather it offers you the tools to better choose for yourself. There are beautiful things to see, different food to try, here in Brussels amazing beer, and the people. I think travel allows you to shed a layer of yourself. It is not that you so easily find yourself, as it goes; but for me it is that I seem to remain in a sponge- like form. I am open to everything and anything that comes into my company and that expands the definition of who I am. I have had doubts, anxieties, worries over my choices, an annoying trait I’m trying to get rid of, been frustrated, and disappointed so far on this trip. But regardless of each of those emotions at the end of the day I’m happy. This is the only thing I wanted to do, this is the only place I want to be. And I am feeling all of it.