This is my blog challenge to myself today. I am trying to be more present here but I am having a hard time figuring out what to write. I think that is because all my posts up to now have been scattered bursts of thoughts and half formulated ideas. I mean that is basically where my brain has been since I started writing the blog. I was hoping for my entries to flow along the lining of my life. But seeing as my life has been following the shape of a labyrinth and not a highway, well we got to work with what we got.
So I come from a Panamanian family, we live in an apartment in Brooklyn. I also come from lots of private education. I come from a mother who believes education is above all, and is willing to do anything to see that play true in her children’s lives. So I come from a Catholic School in Marine Park, it is now a Yeshiva. A fancy pants private high school in Bay Ridge, and another fancy schmancy University in Washington, DC. That is a short description of where I come from; East Flatbush mashed up with the lives of the not as lovely, but always entertaining 1%.
I knew early on neither end of the mashup was where I wanted to be. But it wasn’t a known knowing, you know? it came in broken thoughts and mostly waves of confusion, sadness, and isolation. I was good enough at sports, school, friends, well friends most of the time high school is questionable; but my presence in these places for me were jarring. I didn’t fit right.
So I am a recent graduate. I wonder when I can stop using that as a title to prove my innocence. So now as a recent graduate and regardless of everything, awful minimum wage, poor job security, the recent government shutdown, and the looming threat of student loans that will surely drown us all; I believe I have a choice. To uproot myself from either sides of the coin that made my life and choose for myself. I am exhaustingly grateful to my parents, to the ivory walls that taught me(but they also gave me insomnia, stress, and depression… gotta take the good with the bad I suppose), my intention is not to disregard, but simply move on.
So that is where I was, where I am is a mess, a means to an end, but a mess all the same. Where I am going with my dangling feet is a farm in Ireland and Spain and to visit wonderful people and to see wonderful new things! And hopefully to grad school! And then to the end of the rainbow!
Ahh dreams, they can give you wings. So this is it, where I came from and where I am going. It may take a while, but I’m looking for a place to land.